To a Super Hero who raised my Hero

This is not an obituary nor a condolence message (that’s one thing where my words fail me, I don’t know what to say, I have no idea what to write) So I just decided to write this to a person I never met but truly loved as a second daddy.

Dear Achan aka Super hero

Plans, plans, plan………….life exactly happens when we are busy making plans. I planned to join you all in Kerala on your family trip but “we will see next time” ruined it and believe me your chirpy picture at the beach still makes me smile. Your happiness was contagious in that picture; it could brighten anyone’s day.


I am writing this today to thank you for raising such a wonderful daughter. I have lived in Patna listening to your stories of how you would not whitewash your home because your daughters played a game that involved writing on walls. You gave them their freedom to do whatever they want and whoa what strong girls your daughters are today. I wish I could meet and tell you that your iconic stories about you explaining Puberty to your daughter always, almost always stays with me and this is one thing I want for my daughter too- Let  her father discussing everything that is a taboo. making her one unapologetic and fearless woman. There are your numerous stories I have heard over the year, that shows that you were one kickass daddy.

When I heard about your leaving away, I was sitting there at my room and I said to her in a regretful tone “I so much wanted to meet him” to which my friend replied “You have seen me, you know me and I am just like him, so practically you have met him.” And there I was startled at her poise, her strength to handle the toughest situation that life can throw at someone and the way she dealt with the most personal of a loss, I love you uncle for the strong-willed woman you have raised up.

You know, I am sure that the moment we would have met, we could have become best of buddies and joked about everyone else in the room, i guess we already are. But let me tell you my dear friend, you have gone nowhere. A figment of you lives in my room and is a person who is adored by all, an extension of you lies in that midnight reminders about taking my medicines, a fragment of you echoes in the laughs that break without any reason, an figment of you lies in the eyes that have a tinge of care in every matter big or small, a part of you lies in the hug that says “everything will be okay”, a fraction of you lies in the angry stares that she gives to every guy that tries to woo me, a piece of you fits into the amazing doctor she is, an extension of you is when she says “No” to everything that is wrong and the whole of you stays with us in our things called life.

And you will live on, you will live on in every moment when life is not taken seriously and his enjoyed to its core. You will live on in various lives you have touched in your own beautiful way. You will live on in every inspiring female who is a daddy’s girl.  You will live on in every decision that is taken on the lines of “Do whatever your heart wants”. You will live on in coolest hacks of parenting, you will live on among dogs that love you unconditionally. You will live on in your daughter that is not only my bestie but also my hero.

Have a party up there with all your favorite dogs and people.

We will miss you because not all superheroes wear capes, some are called Daddy.

Love you

Bon Voyage


Being alone is not the same as being lonely #L #Loneliness #AtoZChallenge

We’re all a bit scared of loneliness – of being alone. Of being left. Of not being loved. Or needed. Or cared about. “Lonely” hits a spot of fear in all of us even if we don’t acknowledge it.

Being alone is a state of being by oneself without others around. It can actually be a healthy phenomenon, as everyone needs a little time away from others to plan, to think, and to rest.

However, being lonely is a different matter entirely. We are especially prone to loneliness in the modern society. Social media like Facebook, Whatsapp, or Snapchat may allow more convenient communication, but all these ways of communication neglect the importance of face-to-face socialization.

And at the end, despite many “friends” we have on the online media, they don’t really have anyone to talk to when they need friends most.

We prefer online communication to face-to-face conversation because online communication is less committed, if you don’t respond instantly, it’s okay. But face-to-face conversation doesn’t really need to be stressful. When you’re with someone who you can be comfortable with, silence is precious too.

Audrey Hepburn once said:

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others”

This quote highlights the importance of helping others, and also highlights the fact that most of the time we are the key to many problems we are facing; in other words, you can cure your loneliness.

Giving others a hand will help you realize your value, as you discover you are capable of doing so. And helping others also open up opportunities of deep friendships, as very often, a deep relationship is forged in adversity.

When we talk about “helping others”, you don’t need to always save others by risking life. You can just pay attention to details.

Write your colleague a card if he or she is unhappy. Read out loud for the old man living next to you. Or help a child to reach the top of a rack


Charulata –  Charulata, a beautiful saga of loneliness by Styajit ray himself  is based on a story by Rabindranath Tagore, Nastanirh (The broken Nest) and set in Calcutta in the late nineteenth century. Bengal Renaissance is at its peak and India is under the British rule. The film revolves around Charulata / Charu (Madhabi Mukherjee), the childless, intelligent and beautiful wife of Bhupati (Sailen Mukherjee). He edits and publishes a political newspaper. Bhupati is an upper class Bengali intellectual with a keen interest in politics and the freedom movement.

Charu is interested in the arts, literature and poetry. Though Bhupati loves his wife, he has no time for her. She has little to do in the house run by a fleet of servants. Sensing her boredom, Bhupati invites Charu’s elder brother Umapada and wife Manda to live with them. Umapada helps in running of the magazine and the printing press. Manda with her silly and crude ways is no company for the sensitive and intelligent Charulata.

Amal (Soumitra Chatterjee), Bhupati’s younger cousin comes on a visit. Bhupati asks him to encourage Charu’s cultural interests. Amal is young, handsome and is of the same age group as Charu. He has literary ambitions and shares her interests in poetry. He provides her with much needed intellectual companionship and attention. An intimate relationship develops between Charulata and Amal. There is a hint of rivalry when she publishes a short story on her own without his knowledge. He realizes that Charulata is in love with him but is reluctant to reciprocate due to the guilt involved.

As a respect to Satyajit Ray, we will discuss Charulata only in detail.

In Charulata, Satyajit Ray explores the emergence of the modern woman in the upper-class of colonial India. One can not help drawing parallels with Ibsen’s A Doll’s House.

The opening sequence is a piece of cinematic poetry. We see the young wife Charulata moving from one window to another in her house. She observes the activities of the outside world through the window blinds using opera glasses. She is like a caged bird in her mansion. We sense her curiosity and desire to know the outside world.

As she moves to the interior corridor of the house, we see her intellectual husband. He is too engrossed in a book and walks past her without even noticing her presence. She watches him as he walks away and stands reading. Charu raises her opera glasses and looks again as if he too belongs to the outside world. As Bhupati disappears from the view, she is expressionless and lets the opera glasses slip down. The camera is pulled back sharply, “like a flourish with a pen at the end of an essay …” in Ray’s words. Without a dialogue being spoken, we know Charulata is condemned to her loneliness and boredom.

In the final sequence, as Bhupati returns home after wandering aimlessly, Charu opens the door. Gently and with hesitation, she asks him to enter. A wavering Bhupati enters the door and reaches toward her hand. The shot is frozen and is followed with still images of Charu’s half-lit face, Bhupati’s half-lit face, a servant holding a lamp, a mid-shot of Charu and Bhupati and finally a long-shot of them. As the music rises the words “Nastanirh” (Bengali, The Broken Nest) fill the screen. It was ray’s cinematic answer to Tagore’s original ending in which Bhupati has to go out of town and Charu asks him to take her with him. He hesitates to which Charu says “Thak” meaning “Let it be”. As Ray explained later, it was his visual equivalent of the word “Thak”. “The two are about to reconcile and then prevented from doing so.”

Hail Satyajit Ray.

Just go to hell……….Ae Dil #J #AtoZChallenge

Let’s talk about one factor that leads to anxious days, sleepless nights and depressing moments- Toxic Relationships.

Courtesy- EliteDaily

Relationships turn toxic and because that’s how addiction is, trying to find comfort in the same thing that’s destroying you. But you still fight for it, you fight for same thing that has destroyed you.

This poem is for the toxic relationships:

“You grow up with the tales that fool you

the karmic relationships

The happily ever afte

The beautiful families that go on vacations

The kiss under the stars

The love that never fades

Walking on sand with hand to hand

Comes an emotionally unavailable man

You wake up to his texts

And nights that say “i miss you”

They aren’t toxic at first

and that is how you fall

Comes the anger, the desire, the shame

the outbursts, expectations and the pain

You knew that was not normal

Screaming, fighting and just fucking

The fact is

Nothing will work

That expensive hair cut in a posh saloon

Books that tell you to move on

Shopping spree that makes you broke

TED talks that friends suggest

Eat pray and love never exists

Love happens when you least expect it

and so does shit


Don’t act normal when you want him back

Don’t say you have moved on when you have not

Don’t date men and still look for him

You still want to make it work and don’t deny that

Just take your time and shake yourself up

Remember the expensive heels that you

never wore but regret buying anyways

Love happens when you least expect it

and so does shit anyways”

So if love is, being there for another person while things are good and then sprinting, the minute things get bad, that is not “Love”

Courtesy- TinyBuddha



The Incredible Irresistible Introverts #I #AtoZChallenge

Courtesy- Lifehack

Introverts are some of the most underrated and misjudged people today, and how most people perceive them is far from who they really are and what they really do.
Extroverts tend to be better at communicating and expressing their thoughts and feelings, while introverts are known to be reserved and hesitant when it comes to disclosing, and the movies listed can be a basic and useful guide for extroverts to understand and see the world in an introvert’s eyes.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower” shows through a protagonist called Charlie  that introverts always have thoughts inside their heads, they engage in deep conversations, ruminate about life, the universe, and everything, and take the time to really reflect on all that’s going on in the world around them.. It is so moving and will bring back good and bad memories from high school that would make not just introverts, but everyone, feel nostalgic and emotional.

Celebrated French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet directed the 2001 comedy-drama, which received recognition both critically and commercially. “Amélie” is a beautiful movie depicting a story of a lonely woman, who is not great at having conversations, but she is probably the most inspiring introvert character of all.

When they connect, the connect is special. An introvert is letting you know they’re interested in connecting with you beyond a superficial level. They’re displaying a level of intimacy and vulnerability that not many people get to see, like “The Station Agent”  film directed by Tom McCarthy, which revolves around the life of Fin, a man with dwarfism, who lives in solitude in an abandoned train depot.

Following a personal tragedy, Fin retired from his job and chose to live alone, but he finds himself growing closer to his neighbors each day and the bond that is displayed is beautiful.

We all dream of having a partner with whom we can just talk about everything and nothing for hours on end. Someone who listens and really understands what is in your heart.

This is one of the introvert’s superpowers. They love to listen and if you’re having a bad day or are homesick, you know who can make you feel better.

I don’t have friends,Watson”

Yep, You’re right. I’m talking about the famous character ever made, not only in books but also in the screen- Sherlock.

In a crowd, they’re the ones hovering around the outside, watching, observing, usually with a sly smile and a devious look on their face and bet they are charming.

Introverts avoid the spotlight like vampires avoid sunlight. They’re not looking to be the center of attention.While they’ll likely run and hide when their name is called, you can be assured that when you step off the stage, they’ll be the ones cheering the loudest.

Movies and television shows often portray introverts this way.  From the days of The Breakfast Club to Little Miss Sunshine to Napoleon Dynamite to The Perks of Being a Wallflower, introverts are often portrayed as awkwardly shy people, often ok to average looking, and typically unpopular.

Further reinforcing this stereotype are movies like and Can’t Buy Me Love where a bet happens over making geek introverts into popular extroverts.

Fortunately, the moral of most of these latter stories is that the introverts don’t need to be turned into exceptional, incredibly attractive people by the extroverted popular crowd. They already are.

Be you all introverts, believe me you make best of friends, amazing partners and super caring siblings.


When Gender is the demon……… #GenderDysphoria

First i want to make some points crystal clear before you read:

Gender dysphoria is not the same as gender nonconformity, which refers to behaviors not matching the gender norms or stereotypes of the gender assigned at birth. Examples  include occasional cross-dressing in adult men. Gender nonconformity is not a mental disorder. Gender dysphoria is also not the same being gay/lesbian.

Gender dysphoria used to be called “gender identity disorder.” But the crisis of identity associated with gender is not the mental illness,Instead, what need to be addressed are the stress, depression that come along with this dysphoria.

How to identify Gender Dysphoria

In children, these symptoms may include:

  • Consistently saying they are really a girl even though they have the physical traits of a boy or really a boy if they have the physical traits of a girl
  • Strongly preferring friends of the sex with which they identify
  • Rejecting the clothes, toys, and games typical for boys or girls
  • Refusing to urinate in the way — standing or sitting — that other boys or girls typically do
  • Saying they want to get rid of their genitals
  • Believing that even though they have the physical traits of a girl they will grow up to be a man; or believing if they have the physical traits of a boy they will still be a woman when they grow up
  • Having extreme distress about the body changes that happen during puberty

Why it’s important: Studies suggest that 71% of people with gender dysphoria end up being chronically depressed or schizophrenic and have abnormal sexual life leading to marked proportion of 23% ending in suicides.


Boys don’t Cry: Based on a true story, Boys Don’t Cry was adapted from the life of Brandon Teena, born Teena Brandon, a woman who chose to live her life as a man and suffered tragic consequences as a result. A true story about hope, fear, and the courage it takes to be yourself, Boys Don’t Cry is critically acclaimed love story. Brandon falls in love with a beautiful girl named Lana, and there’s an undercurrent question that’s never quite answered as we wonder if Lana knows that Brandon is still physically female.Starring Hilary Swank and Chloe Sevigny, this is an excellent, brutal and unforgettable film.

Hedwig and the angry inch : Ok i am smitten by this movie.I’ve  watched this one over and over . It’s a love story, a glam-rock musical, a comedy, a search for meaning, a journey of discovery and a story about loneliness and redemption.

This story begins with Hansel, the child of a German mother and American-soldier father, being raised behind the Berlin wall. As he grows up, his love of glamor and rock music only grows, so when he meets a handsome American soldier and falls in love, he gets his opportunity to escape from behind the wall. But in order to leave as his soldier’s bride, he must take his mother’s passport and pass a physical exam. And here Hedwig is born.

The gender-change surgery is botched, leaving him with only “an angry inch,” and eventually losing him the love of his soldier (who is pictured loving big sausages and we’ll leave it at that). Living alone in a trailer park, Hedwig is depressed and lonely. Working as a grocery checkout girl and babysitter, he falls for the young son of an officer, and they write beautiful music together. Until his boyfriend runs off with all the songs and becomes a rock star…

Daayra : In this path breaking film directed by Amol Palekar, Nirmal Pandey plays a transvestite who comes in contact with a rape victim. Helming a sensitive story, he personifies human relationships that go beyond narrow identities. So far, he is the only actor to bag a National Award for Best Actress.

Talk to us, leave a comment or mail to us if you want to have a word on abuse or mental health. Share your stories of being victorious at “The Bachpan Project.” and help people deal with their demons.

The goal is not to change how the person feels about his or her gender. Instead, the goal is to deal with the distress that may come with those feelings being non judgmental.



When are you getting married……Why?

It’s not about Pride and Prejudice……….Sweetheart

DISCLAIMER- this post is written in honor of the women who text me “Hey whatsup! Looking good yaar! Aur bata shaadi kab kar rahi hai, you are crossing the age dear”

Pride and prejudice – we all loved the classic novel and the movie too ( Even the Aishwarya Rai starrer hindi version was kind of ok), the movie which deals with marriage and happily ever after theory. This theory has been fed, forced fed to us since generations.

Frequently these days I come across friends on whats app, we chat, Facebook , growing out of the sunny side of Pride &Prejudice phase and though their beautifully photo shopped pictures may say that the metaphorical happiness is actually there. Being together is a bliss and motherhood a blessing but strangely the same species with whom you hung out as free birds don the cap of a blackmailer from “There would be no one around to take care of you” to counselor you don’t need “At right age , you should be settled”.

This feminism is what we are not able to overcome how many centuries may pass. In India being single by choice is not a choice at all, single may be one who is unmarried, divorced, widowed and let’s not blame any social hierarchy or patriarchal mindset for it ,it’s the females around you and the serial conspiracy to make you one of their own.

This lack of empathy is what throws us away from  the superbly written posts on feminism, who the hell other than we can challenge the notion of a perfect body, perfect shape, perfect color, perfect job and perfect age to marry, to bear child…….etc. This mad race of all things perfect is started by a woman  and the one cheering you up are your girlfriends who have already finished the race.

Marriage is beautiful, it gives you a companion to share- share everything from white and black,to the gloomy blues to sunny yellow . Children are the ultimate stress buster, their talks, no nonsense love ,their growing up everything is so lively. I love them, my nieces make my life a permanent smiley.I look up to having that companion, to a marriage that is a like chilling out with a buddy to even having a child some day, i just don’t look up to this constant pricking by the happily married double XX chromosomes 24*7.

Recently I talked to a woman whom I admired for her spontaneous personality and the 10 minute talk that followed she gave me advice about marriageable age, how to balance career with marriage and also the month in which  I should get married  for a decent 9.6 minutes.Women who are on the other side of fence eager to increase their number are the ones who say unpleasant things to the ones who are happily independent, to the ones who are not able to bear child. It is a sad remnant of sexism in its another ugly form when a women’s worth is calculated on the scores of her ability to keep her marriage happy and her ability to bear child at the right age.

I love you girls ,I love your Facebook and Instagram pictures of being “happily married” ,just don’t let your centuries old reflexes of “being perfect” judge other’s lives.

Everyone has its own taste of sugar in the coffee or may be someone likes tea for a change.

I am writing this post for the blogchatter prompt

मेरा हीरो बूढ़ा हो चला है

हम सब के हीरो होते हैं, हमारी जिंदगी के वो हिस्से जिस पर हमारा हक होता है, वो शख्स जो हमें भरोसा दिलाता है कि उसके होने भर से ही सब कुछ ठीक हो जायेगा। एक बरगद का पेड़ मेरा हीरो है, जहाँ मैं भाग कर जाती हूँ जब कुछ ठीक न हो, जिसके पीछे मैं छुप जाती थी जब हॉरर मूवीज़ के उन स्टुपिड भूतों से मुझे डर लगता था, एक ऐसा बरगद जहाँ पहुँचकर गलतियों  का स्कोर ज़िरो हो जाता है, एक ऐसा हीरो जिसकी छाँव ज़िदगी की कड़ी धूप से बचा कर रखती है। 
हॉस्पिटल का कमरा है, मैं अंदर जाने के लिये दरवाज़ा खोलती हूँ तो पीछे से एक गार्ड की आवाज आती है “ये आईसीयू है, जनरल वार्ड नहीं कि जब मन करे तब चले आओ” हॉस्पिटल, जहाँ मेरा बरगद है, हॉस्पिटल जो याद दिलाता है कि मेरा हीरो बूढ़ा हो रहा है।

पापा कमरे में आ गये हैं, एक लंबी रात है हमारे बीच में। पापा को अपनी लिखी कहानी सुना रही हूँ, ये एक रोल रिवर्सल है जो मुझे पसंद नहीं क्यूँ कि मेरा हीरो बूढ़ा हो गया है। पापा कहते हैं नर्स से कि मेरी बेटी प्रैक्टिकल है, डॉक्टर है ना, वो रोती नहीं , बड़े होने के इस पूरे प्रोसेस में हम झूठ बोलना सीख जाते हैं, अपने हीरो के सामने रोना भी किसे पसंद होता है।

अपने हीरो को बूढ़ा होते देखना भयावह होता है, अपने बरगद को खुद पर टिकाने के लिये आप कभी तैयार नहीं होते, ना एक डॉक्टर का मास्क लगा के ना बड़े होने का। आप भी सोच रहे होंगे कि मैं ये सब क्यूँ लिख रही हूँ, लिख रही हूँ क्यूँकि नास्तिक होने के नाते मेरे पास “ऊपर वाला सब ठीक कर देगा ” वाली सबसे ओवरयूस्ड लाईन नहीं है। लिखना मेरा escape point है, लिखने से मैं खुद को बचा ले जाती हूँ।

बड़े होने का एक हासिल यह भी है – लिखना और सब ठीक है ऐसा सोचना। पर हॉस्पिटल की वेटिंग में लिखी इस बकवास का एक सच यह भी है कि मेरा हीरो बूढ़ा हो रहा है।

Postcard from P: I am there for you

Dear younger ones

Today in this postcard i will not be talking about relationships. The first postcard of 2017 and it’s about those magical words. 2017 had a rocky start and somewhere i now know that life can never be perfect. It throws not lemons but stones and boulders and you definitely can’t make a lemonade out of it. But between those panic moments, teary eyes, anxious breaths at one end and i am there for you at other……… happens.

We all pretend to be strong, we all pretend that we can handle but believe me nothing is more reassuring than a word of solace. a hug that says i am along, an embrace you want to melt into. a tap on head that says don’t worry, a bar of chocolate left on your table saying skipping meals don’t help,and when a best friend says “You want me to come along?”, you feel protected, you feel secured and you know that you have earned two things-

  • Lesson that life can always have a sudden turn and you are never prepared for it.
  • You have earned something more priceless than a message that says salary has been credited to your account, you have earned relationships.

So this new year say this to anyone who is facing a tough time.They will find the strength and inspiration they need to make the first step towards the better day. Everyone is fighting a battle, You can make it easy, you really can.



And that’s when I knew that I was going to be okay.


तुलसी का पौधा

वह हर रोज़ नींद से हड़बड़ा कर उठा जाती, बुरे सपने उसका पीछा ही नहीं छोड़ रहे थे. रोज़ अधूरी सी नींद के बाद सुबह उठती तो थकी हुई, चिढ़ी हुई. सपने में सब कुछ भरभराकर गिर जाता और वो उसे थाम नहीं पाती थी.

” बहुत ख़राब सपने आते हैं यार, परेशान हो गयी हूँ.”

“एक काम करो, तुलसी का पौधा लगा लो घर में. बुरे सपने नहीं आयेंगे और डर भी नहीं लगेगा”

” मतलब कुछ भी, साइंस के ज़माने में, एक तरफ हमने गॉड पार्टिकल की खोज कर ली है और दूसरी तरफ ये तुलसी के पौधे की थ्योरी. उफ़! मैं अथिस्ट हूँ, नास्तिक ये तुलसी वाली बात कम से कम मुझसे तो न कहो”.

फिर एक दिन उसे किसी ने तुलसी का पौधा दिया, उसे उन  ख़राब सपनों की बात याद हो आई, वह हँसी और तुलसी को घर लाकर भूल गयी.

साल की एक ऐसी  सुबह जब वक़्त पिछली  रात का हाथ छोड़ने ही वाला  था  तो एक कॉल आया.

किसी अपने की तबियत ख़राब थी, फ़ोन के दूसरी ओर वह कह रही थी कि सब ठीक हो जायेगा और फ़ोन के इस तरफ आंसुओं से बना एक डर बड़ा हो रहा था धीरे धीरे.

रात में बहुत देर तक वो करवट बदलती रही, नींद आँखों से गायब थी.अब तक डर काफी बड़ा हो चुका था और सामने खड़ा उसे घूर रहा था.

वह उठी और बालकनी की लाइट जलायी. बालकनी की लाइट शायद फ्यूज हो चुकी थी, मोबाइल की रौशनी में वह कुछ ढूँढने लगी चारों तरफ.

“थैंक गॉड, मिल गया”

वही तुलसी का पौधा पड़ा था एक कोने में, मिटटी सूख कर झड़ रही थी आस पास.उसने तुलसी के पौधे से मिटटी झाड़ी, और उसमें थोड़ा थोड़ा पानी डालती रही धीरे धीरे , पूरी तरह वो नहीं सूखा था.दो छोटे पत्ते अभी तक हरे थे.

तुलसी के पौधे पर पानी डाल के, उसे ध्यान से रखकर वो वापस आई. डर कहीं दिखाई नहीं दे रहा था.



Thank You 2016 #GratitudePost1



I am planning to write a series of posts as a gratitude to 2016. Before the calendars turn and we have 2017 right in front of our face, i want to say a thank you to 2016.

“Here goes another year

Leaving behind

A bucket full of memories

And a high tide that blew some away

What I learnt this year

We are never ever prepared

For what life has in store

But we deal with them anyways

Thank you 2016 for teaching me this

That I may not have answers and it’s okay

I may stumble and be on ground for a while

And that’s completely okay

What I learnt this year we are never ready for a yes

Love scares the shit out of us

And we still want to fall again

We never grow out of the idea of love

So Thank you 2016 for teaching me

That there is no perfect time, no perfect name

That you meet assholes on your way and that’s okay

That you fall in destructive love all over again

And yes that too is okay

What I learnt from this year, that it’s dirt all around us

And we should dust them often

To meet people that really should matter

That I don’t have to pretend a yes when I mean no

So Thank You 2016 for teaching me

That When you love yourself and say a no

You fucking care about if it’s rain or a snow

You just pick up an umbrella for a beautiful picture

And then soak in happiness and yay reach a juncture

Thank you 2016 for teaching me this

That I have a shot ahead like everyone else

And even if things don’t fall in place

It’s okay

And even if this does not score a boundary

That’s also okay

At least you have some words to write

And in december you think that this poem is going right