Hey Beautiful…..Hey Sexy…..Ghar me Maa Behan nahi hai kya?

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Its Rakshabandhan today and I see happy faces, with colored threads tied on wrists of brothers and sisters dressed in the best of their attires. The numerous stories that lead to the origin of Rakshabandhan as a festival, all have one theme in common- protection of a sister by his brother.

But keeping the feminist brigade at bay, what is this protection all about?  Beyond physical protection, this thread gives you a feeling of care and a bridge that connects you to a place called family, a place called home. Today morning as I opened Quora, a platform where I write answers, I get a message “Hey Sexy”. My Facebook inbox is filled with “Hey Beautiful” message, So is Instagram. I am a writer (at least some say so). So I have a public life on social media because definitely I need audience. An artist is always greedy for audience and so am I.

Yes on Rakshabandhan too, I get random phone numbers and the almost stalking approach to connect on WhatsApp. Growing up I always saw my mother, my chachi or all the elder women in my family react to eve teasing as “Ghar me maa behan nahin hai kya”. As a little kid, I always thought “what does having a maa behan do with the harassment” (Blame the fucking zodiac of mine).

And today I write here to ask the fellow men and women there “How much is too much”? How much is the amount of online stalking that can be ignored. When does you say “Now that is enough”? What is our threshold to “block and move on.”

Dear online stalkers, let me tell you something. We all get little perturbed when we get phone numbers on inbox for “fraandship” and “fun” and that moment inbox looks like the wall of public toilet with abusive words scattered all over. I entered that toilet and chose not to look at the walls as they scared me. As a young girl, I uttered to myself “Ghar me maa Behan nahi hai kya”. I thought that was a magic wand to just say a “Fuck You” on your face.

I was wrong. This not looking at the harassment on face becomes a social behavior. We  say to ourselves ”ignore kar” When I get random messages from girls asking for help against cyber harassment, I know you people are all out there. And no we don’t need to ask “How much is too much”. We need to act. And to act is to boldly confront them. A block and complaint for an abuse will make the inbox clean.

And they come in various shapes and sizes- Impersonation, Sadly, it’s easy enough to create an online presence in someone else’s name, simply by creating a social media account. The major problem is, of course, that these accounts are created with less-than-stellar intentions in mind, leaving the violator open to harassment claims when they Photoshop nude photos, brag about rampant drug use or otherwise inaccurately depict the person they’re pretending to be.

The call for help messages that I get from girls are about revenge porn. something I just don’t understand. Many relationships end very badly. Make a borderline-crazy person mad enough and those digital images of your bare booty are practically guaranteed to travel the length and breadth of the Internet. Revenge porn doesn’t even have to be put online to do damage. Some people opt to hit a person where it hurts, emailing or texting graphic images to mom, dad, husband or other family members.

The question is “How much is too much”. Be scared a little (I also get uneasy when someone stalks me on cyber world) but then confront them. Believe me, the one harassing you is the biggest coward you will come across.

Lets weed out the impersonators, the one who flash at your inboxes, one who have all the time in the world to send you continuous reminders to connect on phone, the one who fall for your heavily photoshopped pictures and then start stalking you, the one who comes straight to the point- sex, the one who blackmails you with your nudes, the one who threatens you and to all the ones who just don’t understand NO. How about explaining them the word with the help of cyber cell.

I have moved on from “Ghar me maa behan nahi hai kya”. I say “Fuck You”.

You can have a better way of saying it back.

Just act, act is the word.

 

 

Because life is fucked up and Somedays never come: Postcard from P #TravelDiaries

To the young girls and boys

This postcard comes after a long time.Today I want to tell you that life will never fail to abuse you.No one will come to your rescue and some may  pretend to be there for you wholeheartedly. But no one eventually will. Your struggle is unique  because it’s yours and no one else’s. Because no one else can go through it the way you have. Maybe your ideas of what life would be like or what your dreams are ,broken and bruised. Maybe you gave all of it, and life kept bogging you down. Despite all efforts, life fucked up big time . Maybe you’ve lost a loved one despite all the forever promises, maybe you never have the time you always assumed you had. And maybe, you’re just so alone. But to the ones reading this, you’ve survived and you’re here. All those times life embarrassed you still found something which sailed you through.

Then you thought about some days. Some day you will go and live in the mountains, someday you will reach alps,someday you will write a perfect poem for that special one, someday you will take your parents on a cruise and someday you will actually be alive.

And with every passing milestone you cross after life throws boulders at you, you push away that someday further away.

Because life is fucked up big time, that someday never comes any day . All you people reading this postcard, cease the moment.

Your someday is today. Live it NOW.

Love

P.

Postcard from P: I am there for you

Dear younger ones

Today in this postcard i will not be talking about relationships. The first postcard of 2017 and it’s about those magical words. 2017 had a rocky start and somewhere i now know that life can never be perfect. It throws not lemons but stones and boulders and you definitely can’t make a lemonade out of it. But between those panic moments, teary eyes, anxious breaths at one end and i am there for you at other………..life happens.

We all pretend to be strong, we all pretend that we can handle but believe me nothing is more reassuring than a word of solace. a hug that says i am along, an embrace you want to melt into. a tap on head that says don’t worry, a bar of chocolate left on your table saying skipping meals don’t help,and when a best friend says “You want me to come along?”, you feel protected, you feel secured and you know that you have earned two things-

  • Lesson that life can always have a sudden turn and you are never prepared for it.
  • You have earned something more priceless than a message that says salary has been credited to your account, you have earned relationships.

So this new year say this to anyone who is facing a tough time.They will find the strength and inspiration they need to make the first step towards the better day. Everyone is fighting a battle, You can make it easy, you really can.

Love

P.

And that’s when I knew that I was going to be okay.

 

Postcard from P : You are not there to fix someone

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Dear little boys and girls

It’s been a long gap that i wrote a postcard to you. Sometimes i feel i have said it all and sometimes it occurs that i have said nothing. You will read these postcards even after i leave because words stay back.

So, in your life you will always find a person who would seem perfect in so many ways and you would put him/ her on a pedestal instead of looking for the cracks.Cracks, everyone of us is broken but do remember no one is there to fix you up.

You may have your bad past experiences but that’s past, that’s gone. Everyone is a completely different person. You can not compare one with another, you can not stop living for the fear of dying. No one can set conditions for you, they have to accept you for whatever you are…….Period.

If someone tells you that you should rather fix the broken parts or love you in the boundaries created, say a sorry and move on. I guess that’s what love does to you, it makes you reckless and stupid. It makes you confirm to some bullshit preformed idea of attachment.

Every love story is different, treasure people not ideas: Detached, surrender, no strings attached, crazy, madly are just words. In the end it’s all about how badly you want to be with someone.

If terms come up and not you, free yourself. Believe me, it may seem that it’s you who is in pain but its you who is free, that’s something the other one willl never be able to.

Love people not the idea of what kind of love someone wants.

Take efforts, Life is too short to loose someone who created a spark.

Happy Loving, Happy Living

Love

P.

Postcard from P : Because Shitty things happen to beautiful people too

Dear little boys and girls

(Too much of readers complained that i write postcards to only little girls. I am no Amitabh Bachhan so i address this postcard to all you young people)

I have a habit of leaving things incomplete and so the last postcard was a while ago. I love writing postcards to you so don’t want to miss out on this one. When you will be young boys and girls, the world will be a completely different world altogether. The inhibitions will turn into saying it all, letters will be extinct and taken over by messengers, you will have various types of categories for relationships- open, close, complicated, compartment…..but the fact is you will fall in love.

Love can never be out of fashion, only we will be.

Love is joy and love is pain. It is a roller coaster ride that has a tingling feeling, new experiences, desire for someone, lust, castles for future, anxiety, fear and definitely tears. Love is writing poetry, Love is singing stupid old songs for someone. Love is feeling hopeless but not giving up and love is sharing your life, the good and bad part of it. Love has no age but people make you realize that you are defined by a number that is called age.

They will say to you “You can not have a heartbreak at this age”. It’s okay, If love can make you feel on top of the world, it can make you feel vulnerable too. You want to cry, do cry. You want to scream, do scream and do remember whenever someone says that this is not your age, this postcard is whispering in your ears “It is okay, I understand.”

Shitty things happen to good people too, You come across assholes in life.

Get up, wear an amazing smile and keep this in mind

“You are lot more wonderful,beautiful and special than you ever say that for yourself.”

I believe in you.

Love

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Postcard from P: This one’s for the little Boys

So why do I write this postcard this week to the little boys. A few of my regular readers asked me why not a postcard to Boys and let me tell you there are a few gentleman out there whom I truly respect. This one’s for you Ajay, you know that you are my favorite. 🙂

Dear Little Boys

One fine day you will grow up, grow to an age where family love will be an intrusion, buddies will be your life and you will fall in love with your teacher and then a girl in class who doesn’t talk to you. I won’t be there so let’s leave a postcard behind.

Respect is the word
Thought it’s too young to understand for you the value of respect but from adolescence to being a man, never ever loose respect for yourself and for others. When those hormones sleep (temporarily in your case)  it’s the respect that makes you admire her and isn’t admiration the most beautiful aspect of love.

A NO means a NO
The most crucial part, a NO means only a NO. It does not mean “May be”,  “Shayad “, “She is interested “,”Girls do that “. Remember “Wo Agar paltegi to wo Tujhse Pyaar karti hai ” from DDLJ, let me tell you a secret: Wo paltegi Kyunki she is checking you out or is just reassuring that you are not following her, wo Tujhse Pyaar nahi karti dude.

Be A Man
Finally it all boils down to this. This be a man has nothing to do with a physique or machismo. This be a man is about standing by your partner, fulfilling your commitment, overcoming your fears and being dignified. You will naturally turn into a man one day, be a real one, be a gentleman

Be true to her and be true to yourself. People will value you for who you are rather than the tags you carry. Don’t be afraid to remove yourself from the lives you don’t want to be in, it just takes courage, everything else is bullshit.

Don’t give up. Life is too short to not to be with the person that makes you happy.

Love
P.

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Postcard From P: Let’s Talk Excuses

Dear Little girls

One day you all will be grown up and I won’t be around. Everyone won’t understand your journey and sweetheart it’s not meant to be. You have to definitely understand your journey and how you ended up hurting yourself because of an Asshole.

The excuses, oh the glorious excuses, everyone has them. Everyone who can not face their fears have them. Everyone who is a douchebag has them.

Someone in family falls sick just because you try to fulfill your commitment: Laugh out loud, this is the most common type. From great grandparents to parents anyone can fall sick, refuse to smile unless and until you announce “I broke up “. Dude get some better excuses…… I mean seriously.

Siblings waala emotional bahana-Behan ki shaadi to bhai ki Padhai. Very convenient. You may go ga ga over how an ideal brother he is but the fact is he may actually be buying time while you were busy planning wedding.

I come from a small place: But then who the hell has landed up from Los Angeles. Your small place values allow you to date, allow you to promise but then don’t allow you to commit. Your values are quite crooked up man (Sorry for the adjective,Arey not the crooked up one, the “man ” actually ).

It’s not Easy, It never was: Now you make some sense. It’s easy to take an easy path. But then it’s you who is not even expected to do something worthwhile .

Society: Gosh my sweetheart stay away from such a man. He who gives society as an excuse is the most disgusting among all. The last thing you need in life is a man who is the product of his circumstances rather than his decisions…. and this product is a NO! NO! I fall short of words to describe this excuse, it can only bring out WTF!!

But listen don’t stop trusting people, don’t stop trusting strangers and never stop trusting yourself.You do break down, you have your bouts of depression, you feel suicidal and you feel like ending it all, but then you do fight back. Punch it out again. It takes so much. But gives you back one thing that is more precious than anything and everything else in this world- the ability to live your life YOUR way!

Don’t be in a rush to figure everything out, don’t be in a rush to doubt everything, embrace the unknown and let the life surprise you.

Love

P.

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Postcard From P : The eX Effect #AtoZChallenge

From now on. I will be writing a postcard every Thursday to the little kids and then this idea struck me why not start it with AtoZChallenge. Though it has been heck of tiring writing these 26 lettered posts, it taught me one thing. – It all takes a little effort to complete what seems inevitably incomplete.

Dear Little Girls

Tomorrow you will be grown up and I won’t be there. So today I will talk about the eX Effect in the first postcard of the series.

Once a while you all will fall in love, head over heels in love. You will feel that this is what you have been waiting for and couldn’t thank your stars for so much happiness.

And then this person turns out to be an Asshole, big time Asshole. So what?  You want to cry?  Do cry. You want to binge eat, Do eat. You want to isolate, do it.

But sweetheart, the sun rises and it just takes a little effort. You met a coward who could not take a little effort. But you have to take one. You have to stand up, stand up not to fly, just for the sake of standing up. Look around, I know you must be having friends on whose shoulder you can lean, it’s okay to share, they understand and even if they don’t, you will feel better.

Life is too short and beautiful to keep on thinking about a moron who does not have balls.

Be Unfuckwithable.

Love
P.

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I am participating in #AtoZChallenge with www.blogchatter.com.