I woke up today with my endless news app flashing that you committed suicide. And I was numb, yeah numb is what only you understood fully. As I write this I go back to this young girl on a sports trip where you were introduced to me. My first rock, that thumping, that anger that I never imagined could exist, I came face to face.
To the days when I was an introvert, shy, nerd girl who thought she was ugly and was not desired by anyone (Ya there was a time when being nerd was not at all sexy) and somehow you understood me, you understood how I had complaints against everyone not understanding us. And how how how you gave a voice to all of those repressed sentiments.
And you gave all of us Alices our own wonderlands, where we would creep in to escape the complexities of life, a little world where everything was just humane. And a music that we keep listening to again and again.
And today as I read heartfelt tributes to you I know why Linkin Park is one among millions of us, it is the same reason Bennington’s death is so devastating. You helped all of us cope with our own issues for years — as an outreached hand for those struggling. “I’m holding on/ Why is everything so heavy?” It’s a simple couplet that offers a striking sense of empathy for those finding the day-to-day difficult. If it hints at the issues you were facing in your final moments, it also encourages others to try to hold on.
You don’t owe any of us a reason for suicide but you going away is scary. Depression is for real and when you say that no human is immune to wrong choices, i believe you. Maybe you were betrayed by judgmental friends and arm chair advisors without even having a hint about what you were going through.
This is not an obituary nor a condolence message (that’s one thing where my words fail me, I don’t know what to say, I have no idea what to write) So I just decided to write this to a person I never met but truly loved as a second daddy.
Dear Achan aka Super hero
Plans, plans, plan………….life exactly happens when we are busy making plans. I planned to join you all in Kerala on your family trip but “we will see next time” ruined it and believe me your chirpy picture at the beach still makes me smile. Your happiness was contagious in that picture; it could brighten anyone’s day.
I am writing this today to thank you for raising such a wonderful daughter. I have lived in Patna listening to your stories of how you would not whitewash your home because your daughters played a game that involved writing on walls. You gave them their freedom to do whatever they want and whoa what strong girls your daughters are today. I wish I could meet and tell you that your iconic stories about you explaining Puberty to your daughter always, almost always stays with me and this is one thing I want for my daughter too- Let her father discussing everything that is a taboo. making her one unapologetic and fearless woman. There are your numerous stories I have heard over the year, that shows that you were one kickass daddy.
When I heard about your leaving away, I was sitting there at my room and I said to her in a regretful tone “I so much wanted to meet him” to which my friend replied “You have seen me, you know me and I am just like him, so practically you have met him.” And there I was startled at her poise, her strength to handle the toughest situation that life can throw at someone and the way she dealt with the most personal of a loss, I love you uncle for the strong-willed woman you have raised up.
You know, I am sure that the moment we would have met, we could have become best of buddies and joked about everyone else in the room, i guess we already are. But let me tell you my dear friend, you have gone nowhere. A figment of you lives in my room and is a person who is adored by all, an extension of you lies in that midnight reminders about taking my medicines, a fragment of you echoes in the laughs that break without any reason, an figment of you lies in the eyes that have a tinge of care in every matter big or small, a part of you lies in the hug that says “everything will be okay”, a fraction of you lies in the angry stares that she gives to every guy that tries to woo me, a piece of you fits into the amazing doctor she is, an extension of you is when she says “No” to everything that is wrong and the whole of you stays with us in our things called life.
And you will live on, you will live on in every moment when life is not taken seriously and his enjoyed to its core. You will live on in various lives you have touched in your own beautiful way. You will live on in every inspiring female who is a daddy’s girl. You will live on in every decision that is taken on the lines of “Do whatever your heart wants”. You will live on in coolest hacks of parenting, you will live on among dogs that love you unconditionally. You will live on in your daughter that is not only my bestie but also my hero.
Have a party up there with all your favorite dogs and people.
We will miss you because not all superheroes wear capes, some are called Daddy.
Let’s talk about one factor that leads to anxious days, sleepless nights and depressing moments- Toxic Relationships.
Courtesy- EliteDaily
Relationships turn toxic and because that’s how addiction is, trying to find comfort in the same thing that’s destroying you. But you still fight for it, you fight for same thing that has destroyed you.
This poem is for the toxic relationships:
“You grow up with the tales that fool you
the karmic relationships
The happily ever afte
The beautiful families that go on vacations
The kiss under the stars
The love that never fades
Walking on sand with hand to hand
Comes an emotionally unavailable man
You wake up to his texts
And nights that say “i miss you”
They aren’t toxic at first
and that is how you fall
Comes the anger, the desire, the shame
the outbursts, expectations and the pain
You knew that was not normal
Screaming, fighting and just fucking
The fact is
Nothing will work
That expensive hair cut in a posh saloon
Books that tell you to move on
Shopping spree that makes you broke
TED talks that friends suggest
Eat pray and love never exists
Love happens when you least expect it
and so does shit
Don’t act normal when you want him back
Don’t say you have moved on when you have not
Don’t date men and still look for him
You still want to make it work and don’t deny that
Just take your time and shake yourself up
Remember the expensive heels that you
never wore but regret buying anyways
Love happens when you least expect it
and so does shit anyways”
So if love is, being there for another person while things are good and then sprinting, the minute things get bad, that is not “Love”
I come from that pre millennial era where having a friend that is boy (not boyfriend) was frowned upon and I hated being among girls. I always thought I am never made of the girly stuff and that’s why for a longer time I never had girlfriends.
But today on Women’s day as I sit to write why I value my female friends over the testosterone counterpart, I get a smile on my face. Even though I say all of this now, around college, I lost almost all of my female friends. Not on purpose, of course, but I met a lot of people who just didn’t function like me.
Gosh they can be exhausting, they need to be updated with your life details every passing minute, explanations for why it was done & definitely for why it was not done, sessions of “what the hell are you doing with your life”, “You know he is interested on you na?”, the fighting, reprimanding, complaining , caring and definitely worth keeping.
Female friendships are so caring in nature that they don’t border on being interfering, they amalgamate into your life smoothly acting as a father of the bride when you date someone, giving a shoulder to cry if you are depressed, never ever make you feel overweight or less gorgeous, doubling up as a bodyguard, acting as a mother when you are sick and noticing those things about you which you never knew even existed( I have a habit of smiling while narrating why I am super tensed, my roomie tells me this).
My female friendships taught me that the I have some flaws and I am beautiful with that, that I can cry if I want to and there is always a hug if nothing else matters, that you don’t only take care of your PMS but of your buddies too, that you gossip about everyone else and dare listen a word about your friend, that what she likes is equal to what you would be liking and whomever she hates enters automatically in your “To murder” list.
They taught me that the first step to a successful friendship is to accept your friend as she is. That means no judgement. You let them be who they are. Whatever your girlfriend offers, take it. Whoever she is, accept it. She isn’t a project. Neither are you.
They taught me that we must be honest and vulnerable. It’s the only way to build a bond that lasts after the granddaughter walks down the aisle. My best friend knows that my birthday is my Personal National Holiday.
My girlfriends gave me an important life lesson- we must celebrate each other’s triumphs. Be a cheerleader. If cheering isn’t your thing, be a boxer. Help her knock out obstacles with words of support, love and encouragement. Use your strengths to balance out her weaknesses.
To all the amazing women in my life labelled as friends. A very Happy Women’s day to all you phenomenal women in my life. Remember when the final chapter of life is about to be closed, I wish to be around you all, taking a shot and saying
“Hell Yeah! That was one fucking lifetime of friendship”.
Love
P.
Ending this post with a beautiful message from my friend whom i never met but really cherish:
So it’s valentine’s day round the corner and the world around is filled of love filled notes, cute little hearts and so much sweetness. I write this letter to my blog because i have loved it and it has loved me back with much more than i could ask for.
Dear Blog
You have grown up now, from a poorly structured “What a life to be”( Ah, those age of pen names), to turning into travel blogger to now a grown up ready to enter a college with now a self hosted blog. (Oh i talk like your mother already).
Dear Blog i started you at a point of betrayal in my life, my escape point was writing so i moved over from a diary to a blog. And i am so happy that i did it. You gave me my first writing award when it was long back that i had left my writing. You lifted me up in my moments of failures and disappointments. You were always there to listen to my rantings, you were always there to support. You gave me whatever little name i have got. You gave me amazing friends. You became viral and i connected to Paulo Coelho. You got me onboard National Geographic Channel, a tv serial….and the list is long.You gave Pooja Tripathi a name among this world wide web world.
Dear blog, you know what’s my favorite memory. I attended wedding of a friend in Bhopal and when my school friend (the bride) introduced me to her in laws family ( her brother in law ) she said “she is my friend Pooja. she is a doctor”, the brother in law screamed “Are you Pooja Tripathi?” I said yes……
“Oh mam, i am a huge fan of your writings, i love your blogs. “
He made me talk to his girlfriend on phone with a child like glee.
Thank you my blog for giving me my own story worthy moments.
I love you to moon and back. I really do.
Till death do us apart.
Hugs
Wanderer Wordweaver Woman.
Passing on the baton to Tina, read her wonderful post on:
So few days back i happened to read an article about “Why deep women struggle to have a perfect relationship”, being one of that kind i could totally relate to that article word by word and even shared it saying “Perfect”, we struggle for a sensible friendships too. Here is the link to article:
So my bestie Prashanth messages me on whatsapp that day (because we share a relationship of conversations, conversations on almost everything that happens around us, from politics to society) and he says “Isn’t it true for the deep men too”. I disagreed,i told him the society does not get the deep women but it thinks that it comes naturally to men and that day he wrote to me on deep men and their struggles. I could not agree more. This letter was so beautifully explained that i took permission for sharing it on blog. This is Prashanth Shrinivas for you and his views on Deep Men and their struggles.
Courtesy- cartoonus
Because there are Deep men too…
Why not? There are men who are deep thinkers. There are men who don’t pleasure only in worldly joys and the general perception that is made of men around right. A famous ad tells ‘Men will be men’. May be!!! But aren’t we talking of the exceptions.
So the first acceptance is that there are deeper men… Not only strong men. (it is a wrong notion fundamentally to see men as strong and women as deep. Either is applicable…)
Next….
Why Deep Men Struggle for a Perfect Relationship?
A man who is a deep thinker and has his own perception and thinking of life and a belief system around… It is never easy for this man to find a woman to complement these and reciprocate. Again let me upfront in telling the expectation is not to cater to the man but to his thought process… Life becomes difficult for him and he has to make obvious compromises…
It is hard to find someone to fall in love with his concept of life and thought. He will have settle for something or anything or nothing. What if he doesn’t believe in casual dating or casual sex or anything casual? What if he doesn’t believe in short term relationships? Is it wrong or sinful on his part?
Some reasons …
He is expected to be the macho always.
Why? Can’t he be normal? And being normal can he not be simple. Why can’t he be have deep thoughts and have different concept of life?
He can’t be blunt.
If he is, it is considered rude. He tagged impolite and absurd. His opinions need to match or say a yes to the other half. He speaks his mind and doesn’t give much importance to the general opinion. His answers can make people uncomfortable too. In the world where everyone likes to hear things short and nice, his answers and may seem unusual.
He is tagged God:
Very easily I will you… any of his act of good will and kindness will tagged Gandhian or Godly. He is left wondering what did I do except being right as the situation demanded. He can’t react as he wants but will be forced to conform to those ‘norms’ as I call them.
He has deeper conversations: A deep Man asks questions. He may not put the woman in a situation but may force her to think. Every time you two are together; he can digging deep into the questions about life and everything else which starts from first date itself.
He may never be superficial but someone who resides in deep ideas and memories, and the better half may find it foolish .
He Knows what exactly She Wants: But may not cater to immediately with a reason. May not take her out on shopping every time and may find much joy in long conversations and times with each other. He may refuse to be materialistic and that is fine na….
He may not tell it on face but can have his own perception or understanding of what how and when. He may see anything everything casual as meaningless…
When he Gets Intimate, it’s in extremes: He may not be fearless when he is in love but he will be madly in love. He likes to cross all the lines and but would think a 100 times… and tell oneself… The other one is a woman.
So hold on….
Fearlessness isn’t showing that love on a bed with the force he pushes himself …. It can also be that unconditional care… that unbound care… that unlimited attention… That unquestioned authority he is ready to offer and seek…
If this can seen as cowardice or risk aversion or lack of boldness… What should he do? But is he wrong to think what he thought…
Believe me… He would be hurt in the process… because he will called names; He may loose the person in the process and what worse than losing the person!!! Why shouldn’t he feel suicidal…..
For some reason, if this becomes a hindrance in their successful relationship will you still blame him?
He is fearless and profound: He is never afraid of speaking his mind or sharing his thoughts. But the problem of not being able to visualize a deep man but only a strong man or a macho man is the root of all problems…
His profoundness often scares people. His bluntness makes her intimidating and rough and often takes people away from him. One needs sheer passion, conviction and strength to handle this kind of energy and most around don’t think it is worth it.
He craves for a Deep relation: If he is a thinker and philosopher, then he will prefer having a deep relationship. He prefers a woman with whom he can share her deepest secrets, dreams and expects the same from her.
For him, love means that eternal joy along with opening mentally more than physically. He wants you to tell stories from your past and learn more about your best-kept secrets and fears. Hw ill promise that never will that past comeback as a ghost and promises to stand by.
It is difficult for him to Move On:
His love isn’t simple. He would have made his choice with lot of thought and thinking. For him a loss is losing a world. He may retire to staying single post a break up. We never know…. He will wait; He believe in the power of his love. He is strong and but vulnerable, and he can be on his own but with her thoughts and his dreams.
He looks deep into the eyes… Says I Love you… He means it all….
He has a lot to handle. But wants to go it step by step…. But Love for him is apart all conditionalities…He expects a supporting shoulder.
For he is a deeper person…
Leave a comment if you agree with my friend, if you also wondered are we overdoing this man vs woman issues.
DISCLAIMER- this post is written in honor of the women who text me “Hey whatsup! Looking good yaar! Aur bata shaadi kab kar rahi hai, you are crossing the age dear”
Pride and prejudice – we all loved the classic novel and the movie too ( Even the Aishwarya Rai starrer hindi version was kind of ok), the movie which deals with marriage and happily ever after theory. This theory has been fed, forced fed to us since generations.
Frequently these days I come across friends on whats app, we chat, Facebook , growing out of the sunny side of Pride &Prejudice phase and though their beautifully photo shopped pictures may say that the metaphorical happiness is actually there. Being together is a bliss and motherhood a blessing but strangely the same species with whom you hung out as free birds don the cap of a blackmailer from “There would be no one around to take care of you” to counselor you don’t need “At right age , you should be settled”.
This feminism is what we are not able to overcome how many centuries may pass. In India being single by choice is not a choice at all, single may be one who is unmarried, divorced, widowed and let’s not blame any social hierarchy or patriarchal mindset for it ,it’s the females around you and the serial conspiracy to make you one of their own.
This lack of empathy is what throws us away from the superbly written posts on feminism, who the hell other than we can challenge the notion of a perfect body, perfect shape, perfect color, perfect job and perfect age to marry, to bear child…….etc. This mad race of all things perfect is started by a woman and the one cheering you up are your girlfriends who have already finished the race.
Marriage is beautiful, it gives you a companion to share- share everything from white and black,to the gloomy blues to sunny yellow . Children are the ultimate stress buster, their talks, no nonsense love ,their growing up everything is so lively. I love them, my nieces make my life a permanent smiley.I look up to having that companion, to a marriage that is a like chilling out with a buddy to even having a child some day, i just don’t look up to this constant pricking by the happily married double XX chromosomes 24*7.
Recently I talked to a woman whom I admired for her spontaneous personality and the 10 minute talk that followed she gave me advice about marriageable age, how to balance career with marriage and also the month in which I should get married for a decent 9.6 minutes.Women who are on the other side of fence eager to increase their number are the ones who say unpleasant things to the ones who are happily independent, to the ones who are not able to bear child. It is a sad remnant of sexism in its another ugly form when a women’s worth is calculated on the scores of her ability to keep her marriage happy and her ability to bear child at the right age.
I love you girls ,I love your Facebook and Instagram pictures of being “happily married” ,just don’t let your centuries old reflexes of “being perfect” judge other’s lives.
Everyone has its own taste of sugar in the coffee or may be someone likes tea for a change.
I am writing this post for the blogchatter prompt http://www.theblogchatter.com/blogchatter-prompt-why/
So one fine day I receive “The Calling” by Priya kumar for an honest review. The bibliophile I am, I restrain myself from reading motivational books. I find them preachy and the kind of girl I am I really believe that no one can tell you how to go ahead with your life.
And that’s the best part of “The Calling”, it never instructs you anything at any point of time. Author introduces us to the main protagonist Arjun and takes us on a spiritual journey with his story.
The calling is a journey where we meet ourselves, the humans hidden in ourselves, the wisdom that is inherently in us by virtue of being a human. At the junction of a personal breakdown, Arjun goes on a trip to Himalayas, on the insistence of a saint, who predicted that the journey up to Hemkund Sahib would align him with a positive energy.
At every turn the mountains throw challenges that help Arjun to evolve into the person he was lost. Everything seems clear as Arjun is able to see his own life as a slideshow through his eyes. The journey that was started as an escape from the reality, in the same journey he finds himself. Filled with spiritual insights and sprinkled with light humor, this story will help you find your calling, your voice and who knows, even the lost love for yourself.
We all are going through a tumultuous journey where we seek answers, we know we have to carve out our own paths but following Arjun’s journey, we may find a calling to clearly see the path ahead and where it takes us.
Through little quotes and words of wisdom laced with an excellent narration, Priya Kumar takes us on an inspirational ride. And at the end of the day, isn’t that’s the most important thing – To be happy and peaceful in life.
I want to talk to you after a losing a closed one unexpectedly.
Some time back, my phone rang at 4 am in the morning, I am not a morning person so I didn’t wake up.But the ringing never stopped.
I picked up, it was in fact my father’s cell phone which I had kept with me while sleeping.
My cousin brother’s name flashed.
I was scared, my pessimistic mind took over and the hour of the day signaled bad news.
My chacha ji (Uncle) had passed away.
He was in his fifties.
He was healthy.
He was hearty.
He passed away due to cardiac arrest.
On the other end was a crying son and what was I supposed to say to him: Don’t cry (He should let the pain vent out), Everything will be okay (I knew I would be lying), We are in this together ( In sorrows like this, everyone is a loner, battling alone).
I didn’t say a word.
I could not say a word.
He has gone, never to come back.
Knowing fully well that death is the only thing that will surely happen with us all, we are never ever prepared for it. My chacha belonged to the millions of Indians who spent a major part of life in foreign countries doing a blue collared job sending back money to their family, remittances to their country and surviving out of meager in the place of their work.
They make plans, plans to have their own house, to wed off their sons and daughters, buy a land back in India and retire. And who does not makes plans, We all do, knowing fully well one single thing at that moment- We don’t know what’s gonna happen the very next moment.
Remembering of plans, I too made some
Two Months Before-
In a small diary that I write I had a well thought of story for my novel, novel based on the people like my Chacha, their lives in the foreign lands, their loneliness, their struggle, their songs, their longings and Chacha ji was my only source. I made plans and plans but alas the plans always came with a later tag. Sometimes career stared in my blank face, sometimes nothing came up but I never planned to execute my plan of going to my paternal village, making my chachaji speak and taking notes.
The evening when I finally decided that this is the best time to relocate to my village turned out to be worst time.
He passed away the next morning.
A Day Later
I was looking for solace, for words of support. I had thought that in a tragedy as big as this everything will come to a stand still. People won’t smile, they won’t breathe.
Did it actually happen? No?
Death- the single largest truth that never ceases to snatch away any of our plans.
We fail to realize the most unsettling truth in this mad rush to settle down. The whole propaganda of settling down breeds survival of the fittest or to better sum up elimination of the weaker.
But can we ever call ourselves fittest, think twice.
Can we ? We will always be weak in one or the other departments.
Image Courtesy- mensxp.com
Dear Zindagi i have learnt that we should enjoy you, cherish you and value you in whatever bits and pieces we get to have you. Death never leaves us any time to mend a mistake, to undo a wrong, to say the unsaid, to cry over a failed exam, to curse over a relationship gone wrong, to even say a goodbye.
So Dear Zindagi, i want to have you by my side, smiling and swirling and then i wish to scream what is my learning from losing a closed one:
Mend your mistakes, if you can’t just apologize.
Say the unspoken, Silence is what death is like: Brutal and mysterious.
Smile over your failures too.
Move out of a relationship gone wrong.
Say “I love You” to the people who care.
Go on a holiday because holidays make memories and memories support the ones left back.
Don’t equate money with life, money with care and money with family (Believe me, if it was possible my dad would have traded all of his life’s earnings for his younger brother).
Date life because like it or not you have to marry death one day.
Dear Zindagi- I love you yaar……….Behad.
“I am writing a letter to life for the #DearZindagiactivity at BlogAdda”
Tinder is hot these days, you swipe right and you get a hot date, but what if we can have better options? we wonder and swipe left .We are always looking for better options. Welcome to this generation of gadget addict, social media screaming and the most insecure couples……..Welcome to the generation of Let’s make love but don’t call it love generation.
We use the red hearts as frequent as we can, we want our instagram pictures to be filtered for imperfections, to be filtered off commitment. We tag each other on facebook, write long love sagas and give serious relationship goals to the audience but then we pick up whatsapp and message someone ” I thought about you the whole night”.Welcome to the generation of : We want relationship but don’t call it relationship.
We don’t want to be tagged as taken, there are so many to explore. The world is so big, why stop at one place. We want to text, we want to tweet, we want to flirt, we even want to live in but hey don’t bring the “M” word, it spoils all the fun. We want the idea of a partner but the whole idea of a soulmate scares the shit out of us.Welcome to the generation of keep the baggage light, It’s easier to travel ahead.
We have terms and conditions all laid out and we talk of “No Strings attached”. We want to watch the Game of thrones and make love, go out for smoke and message someone else.We don’t want to stay there in the moment. We want to travel together, we want to share, we want a shoulder to cry but Aha we don’t want love. Welcome to the generation of too much thought and labelled available.
We have excuses, yes we have read a lot :
“It’s spoiled when dragged”, “
I want to walk along till that turn”,
“Come on we can still be friends”
“I am with her but find you hot”
” Be in touch when you are gone”
” Let’s make it beautiful however short”
Welcome to the generation of the “No relationship” tags.We want all the goods and keep out the bads. We want to be attached with our shoe laces on.
