I don’t look like “married”…….but how does that bother you?

Few days back a woman came to me for treatment who had encountered multiple fractures because of domestic violence. After crying for half an hour about his alcoholic husband, she asked me “You are married recently na? Why don’t you look like one?”

I asked her “Why do you apply this thick sindoor”. “For security,” she replied. Irony died a slow death somewhere.

Not even her, the raddiwala, my maid, the patients coming for consultation seem to be really worried about the fact that “I don’t look like married.”

 ‘Where is the bichiya?’ ‘Why are you not wearing sindoor?’ ‘Where is the mangalsutra? You should put on a few red bangles !’

This hollering of opinion from people i don’t even know has left me dazed and when i try to ask “why they are so crucial” i get almost stupid reasons supposedly preventing impending misfortune for my other half, the sense of security and also not being hit on.

No i am not your feminazi or anti marriage one. I believe in the power of nurturing relationships. I believe marriage is just a next stage in any relationship and only ones who should bother about relationship are the one’s sharing it. What I don’t understand is why is everyone judging me for not confirming to their pattern of existence? The reverse could be true as well (but who cares )!

I am pretty sure what I am undergoing will be termed as over the top reaction by many yet it deeply reaffirms the presence of serious socio-psychological disorder in our society which we refuse to address. If security is your concern i am sure the person assualting me would not say “OMG! That’s mangalsutra. i won’t harm you” . Rather my self defense training and a pepper spray would do a better job. Long life of my spouse………If he works out and doesn’t eat junk food. “Sign of a happy marriage” totally No, someone may be laden with your marriage signs from top to bottom and still abuse their partner and someone may be devoid of the pious signs and still may be having the most amazing time together.

We as a society want a say in everyone’s personal life. We don’t get the world personal. If the tinkling of the bangles, the jingling of the anklet and the extra red line makes one happy, then so be it. If it makes someone feel absolutely uncomfortable, out of their own skin, then so it be.

An individual choice is called an individual choice for reason. Let the individual exercise it. Every stakeholder of marriage, be it a man or a woman has an identity outside marriage too. Don’t throttle it.

Happy Living



P.S- Just look at the photographs:-)

3 Comment

  1. Now that I am divorced ny mother often attributes it to my not adhering to the norms of being a married woman and 13 years that I lut in building a home and raising a child in spite an emotional abusive situation don’t seem to matter at all.

  2. we are part of a society where the road is more important than the destination. We have been psychologically trained by the “agents of God” to follow a path involving rituals. Unfortunately, even the literates are no better. we need to open up our eye and “bypass” these agents who have been amassing wealth in the name of God.

  3. Live and Let Live…when will be live according to this dictum? As a widow, if I want to put on a Bindi just for cosmetic purposes it is wrong. You don’t want to put it and u r wrong!! Just shrug it off….they are all not worth it. #wordsmithkaurreads

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