Because there are deep men too

So few days back i happened to read an article about “Why deep women struggle to have a perfect relationship”, being one of that kind i could totally relate to that article word by word and even shared it saying “Perfect”, we struggle for a sensible friendships too. Here is the link to article:

So my bestie Prashanth messages me on whatsapp that day (because we share a relationship of conversations, conversations on almost everything that happens around us, from politics to society) and he says “Isn’t it true for the deep men too”. I disagreed,i told him the society does not get the deep women but it thinks that it comes naturally to men and that day he wrote to me on deep men and their struggles. I could not agree more. This letter was so beautifully explained that i took permission for sharing it on blog. This is Prashanth Shrinivas for you and his views on Deep Men and their struggles.

Courtesy- cartoonus

Because there are Deep men too
Why not? There are men who are deep thinkers. There are men who don’t pleasure only in worldly joys and the general perception that is made of men around right. A famous ad tells ‘Men will be men’. May be!!! But aren’t we talking of the exceptions.
So the first acceptance is that there are deeper men… Not only strong men. (it is a wrong notion fundamentally to see men as strong and women as deep. Either is applicable…)
Next….

Why Deep Men Struggle for a Perfect Relationship?
A man who is a deep thinker and has his own perception and thinking of life and a belief system around… It is never easy for this man to find a woman to complement these and reciprocate. Again let me upfront in telling the expectation is not to cater to the man but to his thought process… Life becomes difficult for him and he has to make obvious compromises…
It is hard to find someone to fall in love with his concept of life and thought. He will have settle for something or anything or nothing. What if he doesn’t believe in casual dating or casual sex or anything casual? What if he doesn’t believe in short term relationships? Is it wrong or sinful on his part?

Some reasons
He is expected to be the macho always.
Why? Can’t he be normal? And being normal can he not be simple. Why can’t he be have deep thoughts and have different concept of life?

He can’t be blunt.
If he is, it is considered rude. He tagged impolite and absurd. His opinions need to match or say a yes to the other half. He speaks his mind and doesn’t give much importance to the general opinion. His answers can make people uncomfortable too. In the world where everyone likes to hear things short and nice, his answers and may seem unusual.

He is tagged God:
Very easily I will you… any of his act of good will and kindness will tagged Gandhian or Godly. He is left wondering what did I do except being right as the situation demanded. He can’t react as he wants but will be forced to conform to those ‘norms’ as I call them.
He has deeper conversations: A deep Man asks questions. He may not put the woman in a situation but may force her to think. Every time you two are together; he can digging deep into the questions about life and everything else which starts from first date itself.
He may never be superficial but someone who resides in deep ideas and memories, and the better half may find it foolish .

He Knows what exactly She Wants: But may not cater to immediately with a reason. May not take her out on shopping every time and may find much joy in long conversations and times with each other. He may refuse to be materialistic and that is fine na….
He may not tell it on face but can have his own perception or understanding of what how and when. He may see anything everything casual as meaningless…

When he Gets Intimate, it’s in extremes: He may not be fearless when he is in love but he will be madly in love. He likes to cross all the lines and but would think a 100 times… and tell oneself… The other one is a woman.

So hold on….
Fearlessness isn’t showing that love on a bed with the force he pushes himself …. It can also be that unconditional care… that unbound care… that unlimited attention… That unquestioned authority he is ready to offer and seek…
If this can seen as cowardice or risk aversion or lack of boldness… What should he do? But is he wrong to think what he thought…
Believe me… He would be hurt in the process… because he will called names; He may loose the person in the process and what worse than losing the person!!! Why shouldn’t he feel suicidal…..
For some reason, if this becomes a hindrance in their successful relationship will you still blame him?

He is fearless and profound: He is never afraid of speaking his mind or sharing his thoughts. But the problem of not being able to visualize a deep man but only a strong man or a macho man is the root of all problems…
His profoundness often scares people. His bluntness makes her intimidating and rough and often takes people away from him. One needs sheer passion, conviction and strength to handle this kind of energy and most around don’t think it is worth it.

He craves for a Deep relation: If he is a thinker and philosopher, then he will prefer having a deep relationship. He prefers a woman with whom he can share her deepest secrets, dreams and expects the same from her.
For him, love means that eternal joy along with opening mentally more than physically. He wants you to tell stories from your past and learn more about your best-kept secrets and fears. Hw ill promise that never will that past comeback as a ghost and promises to stand by.

It is difficult for him to Move On:
His love isn’t simple. He would have made his choice with lot of thought and thinking. For him a loss is losing a world. He may retire to staying single post a break up. We never know…. He will wait; He believe in the power of his love. He is strong and but vulnerable, and he can be on his own but with her thoughts and his dreams.

He looks deep into the eyes… Says I Love you… He means it all….
He has a lot to handle. But wants to go it step by step…. But Love for him is apart all conditionalities…He expects a supporting shoulder.
For he is a deeper person…

Leave a comment if you agree with my friend, if you also wondered are we overdoing this man vs woman issues.

इस बारगी ये पत्त्थर तो तबियत से उछला है यारों

अमेरिकी राष्ट्रपति डोनाल्ड ट्रम्प के कार्यकाल के पहले दिन ही अमेरिका ने अपने इतिहास का सबसे बड़ा विरोध देखा, वाशिंगटन डीसी में 5 लाख से भी ज्यादा लोगों  ने  आज #Women’sMarch के तले एक विरोध मार्च में हिस्सा लिया और नये राष्ट्रपति को कड़े शब्दों में कहा कि समानता और अधिकारों की ये लड़ाई जारी रहेगी और अमेरिका जिन मूल्यों से बना है वे  किसी भी प्रशासन को उनसे खिलवाड़ नहीं करने देंगे .
आखिर ये शुरू कहाँ से हुआ – चुनाव के नतीजों के दिन हवाई की एक महिला टेरेसा शुक ट्रम्प के निर्वाचित होने से इतनी निराश थी कि रात १२ बजे उन्होंने फेसबुक पर एक इवेंट पेज बनाया जिसमें उन्होंने डोनाल्ड ट्रम्प की हेट politics के खिलाफ मार्च करने की बात कही, सुबह 5 बजे तक उनके पास 10000 लोगों ने us मार्च में शामिल होने पर सहमती जताई.और दो दिन बाद मेन्हेटन के एक रेस्तरां में #Women’sMarch की तैयारी हो रही थी. तय हुआ कि राष्ट्रपति के शपथ लेने के दुसरे ही दिन यह मार्च होगा यह बताने के लिये कि “आप हमें जितना नीचे गिराएंगे हम उतनी ही बार ऊपर उठेंगे”,#Women’sMarch का कोई नेता नहीं है, पर इसके इतने बड़े स्वरुप के लिये फेसबुक जरुर श्री ले सकता है. यह वाशिंगटन डीसी से होते हुए विश्व के दूसरे हिस्सों में भी उतनी ही बड़ी संख्या में देखा गया और हॉलीवुड के कई सेलेब्रिटी ने न सिर्फ इस मार्च में हिस्सा लिया बल्कि इसे एक एक्टिव राजनीतिक मूवमेंट बनाने की बात भी रखी.

यह कितना बड़ा राजनीतिक वक्तव्य बनेगा यह तो आने वाला वक़्त ही बताएगा पर “pink pussyhats ” पहनी करोड़ों  की संख्या में उठी आवाजें चीख में बदल रही हैं, नवनिर्वाचित राष्ट्रपति जितना जल्दी सुन लें उतना अच्छा, आइये ले चलते हैं आपको #Women’sMarch में इन शानदार तस्वीरों से

स्त्रोत – Getty Images, Huffington Post, Buissness Insider, Time

When are you getting married……Why?

It’s not about Pride and Prejudice……….Sweetheart

DISCLAIMER- this post is written in honor of the women who text me “Hey whatsup! Looking good yaar! Aur bata shaadi kab kar rahi hai, you are crossing the age dear”

Pride and prejudice – we all loved the classic novel and the movie too ( Even the Aishwarya Rai starrer hindi version was kind of ok), the movie which deals with marriage and happily ever after theory. This theory has been fed, forced fed to us since generations.

Frequently these days I come across friends on whats app, we chat, Facebook , growing out of the sunny side of Pride &Prejudice phase and though their beautifully photo shopped pictures may say that the metaphorical happiness is actually there. Being together is a bliss and motherhood a blessing but strangely the same species with whom you hung out as free birds don the cap of a blackmailer from “There would be no one around to take care of you” to counselor you don’t need “At right age , you should be settled”.

This feminism is what we are not able to overcome how many centuries may pass. In India being single by choice is not a choice at all, single may be one who is unmarried, divorced, widowed and let’s not blame any social hierarchy or patriarchal mindset for it ,it’s the females around you and the serial conspiracy to make you one of their own.

This lack of empathy is what throws us away from  the superbly written posts on feminism, who the hell other than we can challenge the notion of a perfect body, perfect shape, perfect color, perfect job and perfect age to marry, to bear child…….etc. This mad race of all things perfect is started by a woman  and the one cheering you up are your girlfriends who have already finished the race.

Marriage is beautiful, it gives you a companion to share- share everything from white and black,to the gloomy blues to sunny yellow . Children are the ultimate stress buster, their talks, no nonsense love ,their growing up everything is so lively. I love them, my nieces make my life a permanent smiley.I look up to having that companion, to a marriage that is a like chilling out with a buddy to even having a child some day, i just don’t look up to this constant pricking by the happily married double XX chromosomes 24*7.

Recently I talked to a woman whom I admired for her spontaneous personality and the 10 minute talk that followed she gave me advice about marriageable age, how to balance career with marriage and also the month in which  I should get married  for a decent 9.6 minutes.Women who are on the other side of fence eager to increase their number are the ones who say unpleasant things to the ones who are happily independent, to the ones who are not able to bear child. It is a sad remnant of sexism in its another ugly form when a women’s worth is calculated on the scores of her ability to keep her marriage happy and her ability to bear child at the right age.

I love you girls ,I love your Facebook and Instagram pictures of being “happily married” ,just don’t let your centuries old reflexes of “being perfect” judge other’s lives.

Everyone has its own taste of sugar in the coffee or may be someone likes tea for a change.

I am writing this post for the blogchatter prompt http://www.theblogchatter.com/blogchatter-prompt-why/

Dear Pseudo Feminist Girl in town

I wrote this piece for #DelhiPoetrySlam  retreat and was amazed at the response i got after this. My buddy at Bihar ( Remya meri jaan ), my  rockstar friend Praicey help me improvise it and my beautiful roomies at Jaipur – Neha and Sidd were so enthusiastic about making it perfect. A poem that slams pseudo feminists came up with the help of some wonderful women who are pure and raw in their thinking. More power to women like you.

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“Dear Pseudo feminist girl in the town
I see so much of you these days around.
I know you are cool
I know you meant good
But when did you actually drift away
Where was that turn when you lost your away
We started off together on this beautiful journey
Of fighting for equality and gender parity
But let me tell you a little story
Do you care about one kusum going back to brothels
Or its just the fab India sarees about which you only bother.
Do you know a Laxmi who  faces domestic violence
But your dharnas and pradarshans are still in abundance
In Churu a Rani is married at the age of 5
And your pink or blue or green chaddhi campaign are still giving you high
The sex workers at GTB road have a life that is an absolute mess.
Just tell me, confessing about your bra color campaign is awareness?.
You know I liked you once
I dated you long
I was so fond of you
I thought that the bond was strong.
Came the barge of opinions and volley of accusations
Dear pseudo feminist girl in the town
When did a beautiful movement that started back there

turn into “Why the Fuck are men even here”
Away from the real life problems
And the issues that matter
All you care about is those 140 characters.
I don’t need your idea of feminism because
I believe in equality not supremacy
Because misandry is as bad as misogyny
Because men are not presumptive rapists
Because women are not always the helpless victims.
Dear pseudo feminist girl in town
Chill a little
Take a long breath
Lets get together and throw away the labels
Of feminism
Of sexism
Of racism
Of religion
Lets join hands and throw away the hatred
A father
A brother
A friend
A boyfriend
A husband
A son
Can’t you see any of the good men?
So dear pseudo feminist girl in town
Don’t turn feminism into
Another form of division
I am for feminism that is humanism.
You meet at hard rock cafe
On a Friday night
Order oh blood Mary
Oh ……Oh sorry that’s a ladies drink
You order some whiskey and some rum
And collectively  start abusing men
“Saale C****YE hain saare”

“SAALON KI MAAR KE RAKH DENI HAI”
“SCREW YOU MEN”
” FUCK THEM OFF”
I know abuses are just words sweetheart
But drinks can be ladies and not the world
So Dear Pseudo Feminist,let’s hang together
You gotta tell me what’s your dimaag ke andar
Your dharnas aren’t making any difference
To kusum and friends

Everyday, every moment
They are still toying the line of domestic violence.”

Thank you #DelhiPoetrySlam and our amazing mentor- Jamaal Jackson Rogers. I love you for the amazing person you are.